8 Hours of Makeup

I forget sometimes that some of you come here for the makeup ♡

What you see here is a full day of makeup before and after. I arrived at the office looking shiny and beat and left looking ever-so-slightly less polished. Here are the lessons I take from these pics:

Sometime between taking the first picture and lunch, my husband sent me a text that made me laugh out loud in that ugly, satisfying way that explodes out of you without warning. That laugh caused my right eye to water, and that somehow signalled my mascara to attack me. By attack, I mean leak burning black poison into my eye, scorching skin and eyeball alike as it travelled along the waterline and into my eye cavity.

It was at this time that I became truly grateful that I was alone in the office. It meant that I didn’t need to explain my laugh/scream to anyone else, and was perfectly free to hobble to the bathroom; one hand held over my eye, the other frantically texting; in simultaneous hysterics and agony.

After a complicated procedure involving a mirror and some dampened toilet paper, the burning stopped, and I decided I need a waterproof mascara. You won’t be surprised when I tell you though, that I’ll only be buying it when the offending devil mascara is done. I’m a minimalist see, so the only way out is to use said devil mascara until it’s finished… or wait on tenterhooks to the day it expires. I’ll give it a month.

Lesson 1: Next time, buy waterproof mascara.

The drama resulted in a naked right eye, complete with smudged mascara residue and dark circles where once there was a perfectly concealed and powdered under-eye. At this point, I gave up, and instead of trying to correct the damage, I put my soggy TP back to work and messed up the left eye to match. I had work to do, and Nic’s innocent joke, while worth it, had already taken up much more time than is reasonable.

Lesson 2: Prioritise what’s important; jokes and work.

My eyebrows seem to have faded during the day. I can see that the loss of definition is mainly in the front third. I think it has more to do with the concealer I used to ‘clean up’ under the brow disappearing than the brow gel I painstakingly painted on, one ‘hair’ at a time. From this, I gather that I look much more confident, and even a bit more capable at the start of the day. Huh, who’d have thought?

Lesson 3: Anything that requires me to ‘#slay’ must be scheduled for the morning.

My final observation is that my highlighter definitely diminished throughout the day. Where this morning I was blinding people with my glow, (not really, because that would be rude), this afternoon, I’m as dull as a regular human.

Lesson 4: Don’t expect your skin to glow like a mythical creature all day because you’re a human.

All in all, I consider that a productive analysis. Thank you as always for reading my ramblings. I leave you with this: If your makeup fading through the day causes you a lot of stress, interrogate that feeling and consider giving yourself a break.

Be nice to people, and to yourself ♡♡♡

How I get my skin to look alright in Instagram pics.

The difference between Beauty Bloggers (was there ever a more hated term?) and I, is that I am a real, normal person, who does things that normal people do. I know, I know, they’re all real people, but the trouble is that as soon as a blogger becomes vaguely successful, they stop behaving like regular people. They get free products, record videos in HD, and invest in good lighting.

My lack of beauty blogging success however is your gain. Yes, I’m talking to you, my six loyal followers.

I find beauty blogs and vlogs frustrating because they represent the minority — those people who have a million face serums at hand, always shower twice a day, and have an hour to take their makeup off at night. That is not me, and I’m boldly hazarding a guess that it’s not you either. This post is dedicated to how I, as a normal person, get my skin to look alright in Instagram pics.

I am lucky to have skin that does not present too many problems. Although I am pretty lucky in this regard, I do get the odd pimple, and dry skin is my ever-present companion. My favourite part of makeup application therefore, is foundation.

Before I turned thirty, the very first thing I did upon addressing my face was to slap that beautiful blurring potion across my face from cheek to ear, and go to town with a foundation brush that a MAC consultant once convinced me to buy. In case you were wondering, my reason for changing this ritual has nothing to do with my age, and everything to do with the Kardashians. It was around this time that I heard that the reason Kim Kardashian has such flawless skin, is that she primes her face with magic unicorn tears before jumping into her ‘foundation routine’. This of course is laughable because we all know she’s never been so plebeian as to do her own makeup. Nevertheless, I invested in a silicone primer from Woolworths… better to get a basic product first, and graduate to a higher-end one later. I liked it, and have since upgraded to Benefit’s POREfessional, which makes me a bona fide makeup guru if you ask the internet. I have also added not one, but two products to my pre-foundation skincare vibes.

I use a night cream from Woolworths. I apply it after I get out of the shower in the morning, because I’m sure my skin is not so advanced as to be able to tell the time. I figure that they make night creams a bit heavier than day creams because night time is a good opportunity to introduce some serious moisture to your face. Since my skin is on the dry side, I actually enjoy the slightly richer feel of this cream. Also, I like the packaging, and the fact that it calls me an ‘adult’. After showers, my face is crying out for the moisture, and applying the cream then allows enough time for it to settle into my skin before the cosmetic barrage. Why, you ask? Because I am never prepared for anything, and after I shower, I invariably have to rush to the kitchen and pull out the ironing board before asking Nic to iron whatever I’m intending to wear on that day… but I digress.

The second of my pre-foundation steps is MAC fix plus spray. I use this everyday, before and after makeup application. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure what it does; but I am sure that I love it. After two or three spritzes to my now beautifully moisturised skin, I pat my face ever-so-gently with my palms. It’s at this time when I typically start wondering whether I made a mistake in asking Nic to iron that particular skirt, and which long-wearing super-matte lipstick I’ll wear that day.

My foundation is now no longer a simple smear from an expensive tube. In order to get good coverage and the right tone, I use a couple of products. One is my favourite foundation – MAC Studio Fix Fluid in NC45 – I am paying salaries at MAC with this product alone. Another is the Inglot foundation I bought a few months ago which was always too dark for my skin, but which the consultant convinced me was my ‘true tone’. She colour-matched it on my neck, and I went along with it because she was wearing an official makeup-expert type outfit. These I use in conjunction with:

1. Some LA Girl concealers which the internet made me buy, but which are surprisingly good and cheap.
2. A MAC concealer palette which I love because it works, and because I had to buy it at the ‘pro’ shop which made me feel like a badass.
3. Two MAC Matchmaster concealer sticks that I bought when I believed that contouring was the answer to all that was wrong with the world.
4. Two BB creams (I’m looking at you Garnier and Kangol), that I bought a while ago and refuse to get rid of even though they don’t work even a little bit.

These I apply with a foundation or concealer brush, (or my fingers), and dab in with a dampened Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge, not because it’s better than a Beauty Blender, but because it’s much cheaper and easier to get in South Africa.

I’m not telling you this to make foundation high-maintenance, but rather to illustrate that in order to get good coverage, I sometimes need varying textures, shades and tools. In Winter, I can often get away with wearing just my normal foundation. In Summer, I need to mix a darker shade in, as I like the beach and my tone deepens in the sun. Around period time, I break out around my chin, and need to cover up more heavily in spots. In busy times at work, I sometimes miss my lip wax appointment — that’s where the heavy duty yet cheap concealer comes in really handy. If you think that Instagrammers wake up with flawless skin, dust some power on their noses and flutter out of the house, you’re wrong. They have a messy drawer of cover-up foundations too, I promise.

Powders are my next weapon in the fight against imperfect skin. I use a sum total of three, for various reasons:

1. Translucent powder from MAC to set the concealer I usually put under my eyes, and sometimes around my mouth and chin. This is to avoid it creasing in my fine lines. It’s colourless so that I don’t lose brightness in those areas. I tried a cheaper Nyx alternative, but it’s rubbish.
2. Mineralise Skinfinish powder from MAC in a shade close to my natural tone around the outside of my face to provide some dimension. A much as I love the blank, one-shade makeup look, it tends to make people a little uneasy.
3. MAC Studiofix Powder Plus foundation in a few shades darker, NW50. This is for the mythical contour. It’s the only contour I do, and I apply it where there would be a hollow in my cheek if I had one. I also apply a little to by beloved double chin.
   

I finish up with a touch of blush on the apples of my checks, and a powder highlight by MAC called Global Glow. The blush/highlight obsession has not set in yet, and I’m not about to encourage it — my budget is still recovering from the great eyeshadow palette disaster of 2016…

…and after only 28 additional steps, I’m ready to go!

At night, I stumble into bed, grope around in my bedside drawer and pull out my Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water (the pink one, not the oily kind), and cotton pads — the cheapest one I find at Clicks — and I wipe it all way. This I do with my dog child Murphy perched on the bed, staring deep into my eyes until I give his face a little wipe with the last, least mucky pad. Again, I have an ulterior motive here. I have a thing for white cotton bedding, and am loath to ruin it with foundation stains. I also have to mention here that I grab my trusty adult night cream at this time too.

My advice for being Insta-perfect is to do makeup your way, even if that means not to wear it at all.Makeup is meant to make you happy, not to make you acceptable to random people, whether on the internet or in real life. This is how I achieve that goal… find out the best way for you, and try not to listen to the rubbish other people will have you believe. ♡♡♡

The day I wore false lashes to work.

No, not the kind you get implanted by a nice lady at a salon and lasts for weeks… the kind you apply to your own face with a shaky hand, glue dripping down your forearm, and eyelids twitching as you come dangerously close to impaling your own eyeball with a set of sharp tweezers.

I’ve been flirting with strip lashes for a while. I love the way they look on online beauty gurus, and thought that if they can wear them to the grocery store, surely I could too. My first attempts happened a couple of months ago. Full of resolve and enthusiasm, I went to Clicks and headed straight for the Eylure section. It took me ages to make my selection – there were full ones and long ones, ones with feathery bits on the tips and others meant for definition. Eventually I chose four styles, each of them at a cost of R40 to R60.

One gloomy day, while banished to my bed with the flu, I decided to give it a go and tried the flashiest one called Rough Utopia… I mean, who doesn’t want eyelashes inspired by the spirit of a rain forest?

The result was awesome. My lashes were ten feet long and felt like two birds tethered to my eyes, ready to take flight. I loved it, but once selfie time was over, and Instagram had got its eye full, I took them straight off. However exotic they might look, one’s eyes are no suitable perch for exotic jungle birds.

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What I haven’t mentioned is the time it took to apply them. I followed the instructions very closely, and it took more than a few tries to get it right. I timed the whole thing, and it took a total of twenty-four minutes. That is not a typo. It took almost half an hour; longer than it takes me to get showered and dressed for work most mornings.

Because of the time issue and the heavy feeling on my eyelids, I deemed false lashes too fussy and an unlikely addition to my regular makeup routine, but that didn’t stop me from trying my hand at it again this week. On Monday I tried with no success. I managed to get the first one on in 5 minutes, but the second was simply not having it. After ten minutes I gave up. By this time, my right eye was watering from the effort of staving off the threat of the tweezers, and my hand was tired from the strain.

I tried again on Tuesday, and this was the result…
I chose style 083 from the Volume range. It was much easier to wear, with a uniform length and added lovely volume to my lashes. This time I was able to wear them for 14 hours straight, and because they were nice and securely placed, they never once threatened to move.

Here are the things that would have been useful to know from the beginning:

1. The band holding the lashes together is important. It’s where the glue goes. The thicker that band is, the easier it is to apply the glue, and adhere the lash to the lash line. Leave the thinner bands (like the one seen on the Sexy Señorita lash pictured above) for when you have a bit of experience under your belt.
2. When they say to wait thirty seconds after applying the glue and before sticking it on, they mean it. This is to allow the glue to dry slightly and become thicker and more tacky. If you don’t wait long enough, the glue will be more slippy than sticky.
3. Try and anchor the outside of the lash first. Once that’s lined up with the end of your natural lashes, the falsie will fall into place at the correct spot on the inside corner. Placing it too close to your tear duct is a recipe for disaster.
4. When applying the glue, you’ll need to find a balance between putting on enough to get the ends to stick securely, but not enough to have it leak down into the lashes, causing a clumpy mess.
5. In order to keep them in a good condition, you’ve got to clean your lashes. It is rather a big chore and involves using eye makeup remover to get the mascara off, tweezers to painstakingly pull off the glue, and an alcohol wipe to sanitize them. It’s worth it though, once I was done, my lashes where good as new.

My overall review; they’re a pain the ass but I love them. I felt special all day, and as though I had a super special secret. Like my favourite red lipstick they lent me some confidence, and that’s never a bad thing.

Try them out. I dare you. ♡♡♡

 

 

The Beauty Blender… worth the hype?

Okay, I admit it… the Beauty Blender is the best. Damn.

I ordered one from RunwaySale  in June, and received it a month later. To my surprise, when I opened the box, there were no fireworks. My skin did not glow with a new ethereal luminescence simply for being near to the world’s most famous makeup tool. Instead, in the box I found a very small tear-drop shaped sponge, in a slightly battered plastic tube.

Tentatively I removed the little sponge; at first I marveled at its tinyness, and then, I got angry on Instagram:

“I know it grows when you wet it, but am beginning to question my decision-making. Maybe it’s not such a great idea to spend hundreds of Rands on a tiny piece of foam… even if it IS the original and best tiny piece of foam” @lisaclaretemmers

After that, I left my new beauty blender in pride of place on the very top of my beauty box. Something was holding me back, and I wasn’t sure what.

Another two months later, curiosity reared its silly head, and I decided to address the pink elephant in the dressing room. I figured that the best way to prove everyone wrong about the Beauty Blender would be to compare it to the Claire’s brand one that I had bought at Clicks the previous Christmas. It had been a stocking stuffer that I thought would revolutionise the makeup routines of my sissy and I — unlike my current situation, my Claire’s blender unveiling was filled with enthusiasm. That is until I tried to use it, and found that it was less effective than applying my foundation with a kitchen sponge.

After removing my beauty blender from its packaging, and reading the cute label hidden inside, I grabbed by Claire’s blender and held the two under the tap where I was sure I would conclusively prove that spending more than R300 on a ‘tiny piece of foam’ was indeed ridiculous.

I squeezed.

Immediately my little pink spongy delight yielded to the pressure and released all the water inside, having grown to double its size. The purple boulder struggled against the force of my hand, and let out a little dribble. It had grown no more than a tenth in size, and that ladies and gentlemen was when I knew that it was true… the beauty blender was in fact, the most impressive makeup sponge the world has ever seen.

Since then I’ve been using the Beauty Blender to apply my foundation. I find the finish to be beautiful. It’s true what they say about this silly little thing giving your foundation a ‘skin-like finish’. Off the bat, I’d like to say that if your foundation doesn’t end up looking ‘skin-like’, you need to re-consider more than just your sponge; but that aside, what the blender does is that it achieves a perfectly even application immediately, without the buffing that I have to do with my brushes. Also, the fact that it is (super, super) soft allows for a comparatively large surface area to make contact with the contours of your face. That means you’re literally patting it on your skin a few times and Boom! foundation done.

There are other up-sides, like the fact that it effortlessly blends my contour with my blush to ensure that it’s the effect you see, not the products (sly beauty tip droppage). The thing that most impresses me however, is the hydrating effect that this sponge has on my skin. I think there’s something about the formula of the foam that allows it to deposit just enough water onto the skin along with the makeup to keep you hydrated and dewy.  Somehow it manages to make my foundation appear light, while maintaining the property of full coverage. I think it might be witchcraft.

With that said, here are the top 3 reasons why I hate that I love my Beauty Blender: 

1. I’m now in for a lifetime of washing Beauty Blenders. Bleh.
2. My beautiful foundation brushes are about to develop complexes due to regular neglect.
3. Beauty Blenders may now take over from rental as my most important and costly expense.

So yes, I agree Youtube, Beauty Blenders are the best, and us poor South Africans are destined to spend the rest of our lives searching for discounted ones online. I hope you’re happy.

♡♡♡